not again

How can I feel this way about him again. It has been two years, and I'm still not over him, he still gives me butterflies, the thought of him still makes me smile. JUST TELL ME IF YOU LIKE ME DAMMIT!!! ugh I just hate not knowing were we are, does he or doesn't he like me?? It has been so long, and I feel I finally have got the courage or just can't be fucked not knowing anymore  to ask him, but what about our friendship. I can handle the no. I can handle him telling me he just wants to be friends, but I know that won't be the case. Well talk normally for a while, then he will start acting differently in case he feels like he is leading me on, and because he has to act differently and can't be his normal self in fear, he will start getting tired of acting then eventually stop replying to my messages. Then the next time we meet, we'll exchange a smile and have an awkward conversation and rush in opposite directions as soon as we can, and cringe later on about the whole situation.  I don't want to risk it.