its late and im tired

but I have to get this out. Just came back from Kush's 21st, and my what a times. It was great and so so so awkward at the same time. Did our stupid dance, and sat around for the first 2 hours making small chit chat then tried to get the dancing started (cue the awkward) but my spent like 20 minutes talking to P :D I went to talk to his friend instead, and took his chair by accident (lol no purpose)  so we ended up sharing the chair I was sitting on. We talked for ages and his dad kept trying to take photos of us and then handed the camera to K who took more photos, while P kept trying to put P's arm around me for the photo (he didn't though :/). You think it would be awkward having all his friends AND BROTHER kind of hinting at us  but it wasn't!! We took it lightly and the memory makes me smile everytime.....but the smile is quickly wiped of and replaced by a grimace by what happened next. I got up to go to V and............I tripped. I fucking tripped coz my foot got caught in someones jacket and I tripped. I also swore quite loudly in the face of some uncle who probably thinks I'm a trashy teenage girl now, but fuck, everything would have been perfect if I didn't bloody trip. fuck. Afterwards though I talked to Y's brother for the first time and we did get on relatively well...he got me jello shots (YOLO) and is kinda cute too :P But nah, P came on to the dance floor with the rest of us and wow he dances weird....like REALLY weird, but it was adorable and at least he danced!!! And K kept trying to push him next to me when we were dancing, again the situation should have been awkward, with all his friends AND BROTHER again just laughing in the background, but it wasn't!!!! hahah I tried my best sexy PG rated dancing (appachchi was sitting in the table right in front -.-) and I'm just hoping I caught his eye more than a few times.... I did catch him looking a time or two :P
Only kind of regret I have from tonight is not hugging him goodbye. I was talking to him right before I left (can i just add K tried pushing him into me AGAIN) and all we did was an awkward wave goodbye, and I swear I would have hugged him if appachchi wasn't there...even if he was a couple of metres away, but no. He was standing right.in.front.of.us. ughhh A genuine hug would have made this night extraordinary, it really would have. I just can't get over him. And I know after today if I told him how I feel there is a good chance he would feel the same, but I just don't know how it would work!! we would never get to see each other, our mutual friends consist of P who is never going to help the situation except make it awkward, so other parties are out of the question...it really makes me sad that I have no idea when the next time I will see him, what if its month again?? If we were able to catch up just a couple more times in the next few weeks I know things would start "rolling" for lack of a better word. I know that if we just got to know each other more, something could definitely happen. Ughhh I know it, but there is nothing I can do. I like him so so so much. I don't know why but I do, and I wish more than anything it could work, but I know that it can't. love freakn sucks.