55. libraries

I will miss this man so much. Never have I met someone so dedicate to his job and to his students.
There was tears (he cried like three times after the ipad and canvas :P), pizza, cake, photos, inspirational speeches and lots of hugs.
Thank the lord for Dr.P <3

had a bit of a breakdown yesterday...well a bit more than a bit, I cried and like had a panic attack sorta thing :/ i though I was dealing with all the stress with bio, but apparantly my subconcious didn't think so, it was all because J came over after THE LAST EVER BIO TUTOR CLASS (shall talk about this more) and stayed for agessss and iI missed out on a couple hours study. It freaked me out like crazy and J knew it, my parents knew it and I reckon hers did too, ugh why am I such an awful friend? can't I just enjoy seeing my bestfriend after weeks and not be wrathed with guilt for not studying for a couple hours???
anyways, left school early today and went to state with A, so far work completed

• 2 practise exams
• 3 exams checked (all A+'s i think:) )
• revised a chapter of maths
• hominin evolution notes
• hour of note reading

I still have like an hour and a half, so i think I might do a little maths and some checkpoints (maths exam tomorrow :/)
I feel like I'm ready for the exam but at the same time I'm not, its just so so so frustrating because I thought it would be different this time round coz I have already had experience, but no, I'm still doubting myself as much as I ever will 

last dr.P class tomorrow :(

healthy malshi :)

breakfast:
- 2 weetbix, with almond milk, couple spoons of strawberry yougurt and half a banana, a sprinkle of sultanas
- almond tea
snack:
- almond tea
- muesli bar
lunch:
- salad made of a handful of lettuce, quarter cucumber, handful sliced mushrooms, 1/3 cup of lentils, steamed/fried fish topped with a spoon of low fat greek yougurt
- half a banana
snack:
- blueberry milk tea with pearls
- 8 sakatas
dinner:
- two slices of wholemeal toast, one with beetroot dip the other with ham and mustard
- side salad mode of a handful of lettuce, small tomato, quarter cucumber, some olives and a teaspoon of low fat greek yougurt
- a prune, dried apricot, bit of dark chocolate, one weetbix bite
-  sesame snap, sesame roll

should have taken a photo of breakfast :(

anyways work completed
- questions on fossils
- tsfx exam
- finished off 3 other exams
- one hour note reading
- maths exam
- maths reading/going through tests
-  checked exam

54. at least I had the friendships

Today

 - last day with A and N on the train! omg so sad :( hahah ended up having to take the 7.21 coz N missed the train, so then A had to get off and wait at noble, but I don't really mind too much coz I was still writing the card!!! haha yeah when we were all together, we gave them their presents and yeah, slightly awkward coz they didn't know what to say and it was too hard to hug each other coz of the way we were sitting, but yeah it wasn't too bad. Overall it was a pretty good train ride and at the station, N hugged me and N and gave us kisses, then I went and gave A a could squeeze and yeah...that was it...I just feel so sad knowing that the routine of seeing them nearly everyday for the past year is yeahh done. :(

 - N, P and I spent the whole walk talking about how it was us next, and how shit it was to say goodbye, lol a very morose topic

- had my englan assesment and i think it went well

- went to state with N, A and P lol omg it must of looked so unbelievebly shift, our whole group was away!!!!

- apple scroll from brumby's :)

- wrote Dr.P's message

work completed:

- one hour of note reading

- 50ish mc questions in checkpoints

- englang note reading

- 2 bio exams and one checked

- revised almost a chapter of methods

- watched something french

- lisa chem topic test

- french worksheet

the end of an era

so today was the last day of year 12's and tbh I didn't think I would miss them as much as I do, like it wasn't like I was super close with anyone of them, its just, having them there meant we weren't the oldest, that school, was far from over for us...but now, technically we're the oldest year level, in about one year from now, I'll be in the exact same position as they are.
Gave everyone there lolly flowers, and like T nearly cried (lol she was dressed as a hotdog, so hugging her was like the weirdest thing), and H and A took photo's and omg I had to run out of chem so I could give D hers, what luck! I caught her just as she was leaving!! year 12 video was hilarious (and during P2 so no french test :D) and just led to our group talking about all things year 12 - costumes, jumpers, schoolies, videos ITS SO CLOSE!!!!
another major thing was that J has been bingeing, she was so ashamed to tell me and started crying. I told her I couldn't believe she thought I would judge her and just tried to make her feel better, I took her to the counsellor and I think she did feel at least a bit better.

I have so many people to pray for tonight

work completed:
- four hour bio tutor
- bio practise exam
- went through bio exams and wrote out possible questions
- maths revision
- french preposistion revision
- watched something french
- hour of bio notes reading
- planning to do a little bit of englang reading.

procastination= watching year 12 dance off...omg S is such an amazing dancer, I want to be in the dance off so bad, but omg I can not dance like that

53. warm weather

work completed :
- 2 and a half practise exmas
- hour of notes
- methods exercise
- french hw
- watched something french
- read something french
- went through bio sacs
- went through bio exams
- checked 2 exams

not too mention just spent 1h30 on Dr.P's card, only half done too! ugh so tired

TODAY:
- one of notes reading
- french school hw
- ms day bio sheet
- french tuition hw
- spesh tutor

slacked off like crazy, I' m waking up at 4.00 tomorrow to make up for it.

today

- coolest experiment in chem ever. We played with dry ice and there was like smoke/gas everywhere
- was supossed to go dr.p shopping with N and C but C couldn't make it and N and I couldn't be bothered so were going Friday instead
- bought four lolly flower bouquets for the year 12's and 2 blocks of lindt for A and N
- went looking for cheap gladiators at the QV store, but they had none, but they did have tons of really really reallllllllllllllllly nice heals from $5-$15. I wanted to get some so bad, but I don't need more shoes!! (besides new gladiators) so  resisted
- spent aggggggges in breadtop deciding what to get, ended up being cheap and just getting garlic bread, I was supposed to get bubble tea BUT I LOST MY MEMBERSHIP CARD!! not going to risk not getting a stamp :P oh and they changed the priceline in springy to some asian pharmacy they still have essence luckily but its going to be a lot harder to find out what sales are going on
- leadership results come out! neither A or S got oreads, I feel so bad...and poor A too, i really thought she was a shoe in for Dryads
- work completed :

• practise exam
• miss day questions
• semantics
• 3 pages of a dr.p booklet
• 20 minutes of french listening
• 30minutesh of french
• read lecture notes
• 1 hour bio notes reading

 - suddenly feeling slightly uneasy about bio, did a practise exam today and saw N get 25/25 while I got 23 :/

 - talking to P about attraction and what not. I love/hate talking bout these kinda topics with him. Love coz it gives my butterflies and makes me smile, hate coz we get so close to the topic of us, but never actually talk about it -.-

- my diet today was awful. ugh healthy malshi healthy

52. progress

ate a whole bana for the first time in about a year, yes it was the smallest banana you have ever seen, but still I ate it...and it wasn't a big deal, seriously tasted so good and i wasn't at all weird about it afterwards. I also had baked beans for dinner (don't know when I became weird about them, but I was just really hesitant to do it) and yeah, I don't feel disgusted with myself
next things to tackle -
 - avocado (could be done soon, I find my self craving this on toast so often)
 - egg yolk (one of the hard ones)
 - normal amounts of rice
 - butter

Today:
- 2 bio exams
 - went through one dr.P booklet
 - half a wall chart
 - hourish of englang
 - watched something french
 - french tutor hw
 - chem tutor
 - umat

Tomorrow 

- go through bio lecture notes

- 2 bio booklets from ms day

- finish bio wall chart

- watch something french

- notes reading

- syntax and semantics of englang

- correct stav exam

I better stop there, don't want to push my luck :P

so i've decided to list down all the work I get done in a day, for like motivation and what not and will do so everyday untill exams I reckon, so
today:
 - one hour bio notes reading
 - 2 practice exams
 - watched something french
 - did french hw sheet
 - half hour of englang
 - made quick notes on chem

tomorrow (personal study day off :P)
- 2 bio exams
- go through bio notrs from lecture
 - go through one dr.P booklet
 - make hand written chem notes
 - half hour of englang
 - watch something french
 - french hw
 - possible bio question answers
 - chem tutor
 - umat

ok so thats the plan for tomorrow, hopefully i'll get shit done (yn)

skinny love lasting too fucking long

liauewflrjhsldvjhs; P took my train afterschool today. Like omg, A and P kept smiling and giving me looks and like omg I couldn't stop smiling myself but ;awoirha;hfrgh how can this boy still make me smile after so long?
Initially i wasn't even sure if i'd meet up with him, coz I thought he was on two trains after the normal one, and I really didn't want to keep appachchi waiting but luckily he and his friend (who I really like btw, coz he was uber friendly) got on our carriage at caulfield.
I'd be lying if I said we had an amazing stimulating conversation and that there was no awkward silences whatsoever, but overall it was too bad. he stood like right next too me the whole train ride (shoulders touching close lruhgsdf.kjgb.d) and I hugged him when I got off, I DONT EVEN REMEMBER THE PAST TIME I HUGGED HIM! ;aurh;kjsdfd I seriously don't know how it is still possible for me to like him, to have these butterflies, to smile at stupid memories that are just over exaggerated in my head. WHY WON'T YOU JUST MAKE IT CLEAR P!!! ugh I know he never will, he's much too awkward a character, but man it would be so much easier if he did.

51. new clothes

yes my blogging has been atrocious, big post to make up for it

the last few days in summary
Friday: 
 - credit for English competition, didn't even bother telling ammi bout that one
 - was K's birthday and omg G made the most amazing cake ever, it was blueberry and vanilla and omg it tasted so so so so good.
 - went to max Brenner during my free with the gang but didn't order anything because I had to leave like 10 minutes after we got there. I told everyone it was because I had to go to tutor early, but really it was just coz I couldn't be bothered staying and I wanted food from springy - awful I know, but ever since last year, I've valued my "me" time so much more, and I just really wanted to be by myself. BUT as it worked out, I was too tired to get off at springy anyway  and just ended up getting picked up at dandy and home super early anyway, to technically it was pretty much the whole truth (might I add how proud I am for not buying anything from Springy)
- french tutor was average, but I think he thinks I might actually do kinda well :s
- macca's run with Jav (he made me pay for myself -.-)
- dancing til 11ish, practising for the performance..sooso tired
Saturday:
- woke up at 6.30 and read notes for like half an hour before bio tutor..I also woke uo that early so I could try look as pretty as I could, just to see I's reaction when we saw each other at tutor...IM A HORRIBLE PERSON I KNOW
- tutor was ok, and it was the weirdest thing to see how I has changed now that he has a gf (I think) so much more quieter, which makes me thing he was only so loud before, to try get my attention (I am so obnoxious) but yeah, I still did notice him looking over a few times, but I really am happy for him and his maybe gf. I love spending time with J,K and G but we finished to syllabus that lesson and it just made me really want to be at the sunday class -.-
- went home, had lunch, got my dance shit together
- got dropped off at Udumbara Aunty's house and they took me to the dance venue, A and M are actually the cutest
- it was a long 7 hours, rehearsal was supposed to start  3, but they didn't take us til about 5.45ish so I pretty much sat there doing bio, playing with make up, helping other people get ready and just sitting/standing there
- performance was okay, made so many mistakes because the music was so much more different than the track, and I definitely didn't smile enough...ugh some performer I am
- during the interval, appachchi picked me up and rushed me home, he said I was good but yeah I had my faults...he said the first dance was amazing though, and it really must of been, I wish I was good enough to be in that dance :/
- got home, took a bijillion selfies for instagram with show make up (i looked pretty for once, no judgement) had make shift dinner, then BED
Sunday:
- woke up at 7, watched revenge and an episode of new girl and googled absolutely everything
- breakfast - yoghurt with fruit and cereal as usual
- ammi woke up and told me that my dancing was ok, but I had to put on weight and that I was much to skinny...so in other words I am now at a perfect weight :D I didn't think I lis any weight but now when I think about it my size 7 jeans are a lot looser
- did 2 practise exams (keep getting 69/75...when will i crack 70?!?!?), 3 hours of dr.P notes, 1 1/2 hours of french, and a bit of englang)
- tried on some clothes ammi bought for like 2 dollars yesterday from kmart...I looked good :D summer dress check (its a maxi and everything)
- went crazy grocery shopping in under an hour (new record?)
- 30 likes on instagram photo!!!
- was a good daughter and made appachchi's lunch without him asking me too
and now here we are. the parents are downstairs watching my dance, and I just really don't want to see it....I know I did a bad job, I don't need more evidence to remind me.

50. down time

la difference entre sucre rapide et sucre lent

• nearly fell asleep in tutor
• nearly fell asleep this morning during my bio hour
• nearly fell asleep in the bio lecture
• I need more sleep
• lol but back to the bio lecture, was supossed to finish at 5 but my and N yolo'd and left half way after getting our notes
• stoich test today - didn't know how to calculate pH so my "method" of finding and answer was guessing something between 1-7, ended up with 2 lol yolo. But nah, didn't TOTALLY get screwed over
• ate a whole doughnut on Tuesday for the first time in over a year, it tasted good :)
• J's birthday on tuesday too, got him a pie - yes I am the best sister in the world
• he also just gave me the coolest speakers ever, THEY ARE SHAPED LIKE APPLES!!!
• 25 days til the exam...I should be worrying but I'm not
• going to eat something from the canteen tomorrow, kinda excited I haven't bought anything from there before
• no more assessments this week :)

I don't remember ever being this tired. I actually even took a 45 minute nap after I got home from school. To be fair I woke up at 5 today to study and went to bed at 10 last night, and in the space of those 7 hours of sleep I was woken up 3 times. But still, I have never felt this tired before :S
anyways, today was the first day of term 4, felt like a retard for not wearing summer, but I didn't shave my legs so yolo had leadership speeches and voting became a lot hard than I thought it would be, bio sac went relatively well (I think) and had to get picked up from oakliegh because trains stopped working.
Ugh, first day and I'm already tired. lets hope I can last the month (yn)

49. feeling content

the home stretch.

Tomorrow is the start of term 4. These holidays although weren't absolutely jammed packed with fun and games, was exactly what I needed. The end of last term was freaking awful and now, after two weeks of being able to get myslef together, I think I am ready for the tough month ahead of me. I am by no means ready 100% for any of my exams (lol what 1/2's?) but for Bio I think I've laid a pretty solid foundation these holidays. I've got myself into a routine - wake up at 5 everyday and read notes for an hour before school. It worked last semester, and this time I've started 2 weeks earlier. I have my bio sac tomorrow, which I pray goes well and am already counting down the days til the exam, but rather than dreading it like last time, I'm welcoming it. Now I know I am capable, I know that when I put in the work, the results will show, I don't don't my abilities so much as I did 6 months ago, and with this knowledge I am going to do my best to kill this exam (and bio sac) just like I have been doing all semester.
I can do this.

holidays buys

48. retail therapy

Had a pretty good today today, extra bio class dragged on like crazy but I talked to M during the whole break. He is the absolute typical try-hard curry, boasting about how little he studies, how he sneaks out and all the times he's gone out with this hot chick weirjnslk vfn so arrogant. DR. P is actually the biggest sweetheart, he didn't take money from us today because he felt bad for missing out the last class!!! I didn't tell ammi about it though, planning on using tat money to get him a present (Y)
Afterwards I was supposed to go to N's for a bio sesh but J forgot to tell me it started at 2.30 wirgnowlkjf so freakn frustrating, I love the girl but she can just be so hopeless sometimes :/ I don't mind too much though coz J and I went and got bubble tea afterwards and I got a set of 3 books (huckleberry finn, tom sawyer and treasure island) for $2!!! I can't wait til exams are over so I can get stuck into them :)
Then went to spesh tutor (ew kinematics) and went shopping with the parents. There was no fighting and really nice, for once. I got some socks, a very hipster top AND OMG THE MOST PERFECT TOTE BAG EVER!!! I actually love it so much! slightly guilty though, I had planned to finish my chem poster, french writing AND an exam but yeah ammi mentioned shopping and.....I caved!!! I came home and printed all the neap exams, and nearly finished one (lol nearly) but fuck I'm going to have to work my ass of tomorrow :/

Today.

- woke up at 6 (dedication bitch) and read bio notes for an hour
- tuna on toast for breakfast (like 250 calories or something :D)
- merlin season 4!!
- did some french, and umat then left for dandy at 12.30ish
- bought a cyan top from cotton on, MY PERFECT MUG FOR TWO DOLLARS!, my perfect blue nail polish and the BYS coral blush from kmart, a boost for J and a savoury scroll from bakers delight (yes, I bought savoury over sweet, so very very proud of myself, even prouder when I found out it was only just over 300 calories :D). Tried on a tight fitting dress (size 4!) at forever new AND IT ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD!!! omg it was peplum and I looked quite classy.....I now have a whole new range of clothes available to me :D
- came home at like 6ish and wanted to get my chem poster done, but some shit's gone done with the computer so I couldn't do it - cue procastination
- Dr.P is actually a god, he apparantly came half an hour late to todays bio class (coz he was getting an injection) SO HE DID THE WHOLE CLASS FOR FREE! he is actually amazing
- no idea what to get J for his birthday -.-
- now just chilling in bed, watching merlin and inboxing P :)

47. merlin