At least it doesnt hurt anymore

Well if im being honest it does, but its almost like the feeling of sadness has reached a point it has been so low for so long, its not sad now? Now im just at a point where underlying sadness is masked by aloofness and lack of care. Formal has just been a load if rubbish from the start, with one thing after another just tumbling down. I'm at rhis point where im certain tomorrow is going to be shit, so as long as i know beforehand, and brace myself, there will be no calateral damage to my feelings afterwards. I've even stopped worrying whether P is going to have a good time or not. He'll just have to enjoy a sober time with me whether he likes it or not.

So God, i've accepted that tomorrow isn't going to be amazing. But can you please help me out with these things to at least make to bareable?

- v and k actually manage to make me look really pretty, like nice hair and stuff, with make up that makes me stand somewhat out? (I dont need any awards or something, just so i feel nice in photos at least)

- P wins his hocky final

- J feels good, has a great time, realises that there are plenty of happy things in her life

- S has a good time and forgets about T

- a photo with A

- a limo that does not let down

- a cute ride home

I dont know if im asking for too much, if even these 6 things are out of reach. I just dont want to dampen everyones spirits... I really dont.

I just had an epiphany. What if the only reason i feel this shit about formal is because its the last sure time i know ill see P. At least, untill exams are over, i know we will defs not see each other, and who knows what will happen after? Maybe these sad feelings are just a subconcious way of dealing with other feelings about P?

Fuck my life really does revolve around him.