18. A functioning heating system

stupid french competition is on from 2-4 tomorrow, so again I can't catch up with P. I told him this and he then proceeded to say something about catching the same train in the morning....but then never told me what train he was catching...wtf.

in other news

• English competition today - complete bullshit, lol A signed her last name as TICKLES and G as LA VANKER :D
• Australia is doing shit as in the Olympics.....EVEN KAZAKHSTAN HAS MORE MEDALS?!?!
• Completely absorbed in the PDF version of 50 shades of grey on my ipod  -its how A and I spent the last 20 minutes of spesh 
• Stressing about hair and make up for formal :/

17. smiling strangers

thoughts.

• I keep remembering Dr.Perera crying tears of laughter because of the photo of that fat baby - I will forever love this man <3
• oat milk is nice.....but I think I like almond milk better
• P wants to meet up on wednesday afterschool, which I can now go to because house drama rehearsals got cancelled
• had my bio sac today. It wasn't easy but I managed to finish, so unsure about some of my answers though
• Skipped french and went to sickbay instead because i thought we had a french pronoun test which I didnt study for because of bio - ended up being a freee study period anyway because trenchy was away -.- wasn't that bad coz N and V wagged too, so we sat in the sickbay and talked about the sac which N had already done
• pumpkin rosemary scones with melted cheese <3
• N ask me why I didn't sit with him and M at Dr.P, maybe they really do like me after all??
• Got jokingly asked to mhs formal today by N and A, so there mate A could get a date. I said no, because obviously they weren't serious but I knew that if i had said yes, I probably would have been seriously asked. I WANT TO GO SOO BAD!!! but for various reasons ( parents that would never agree, $115 ticket, week before my own formal, no dress, parents that would never agree) I had to pretend I didn't want to :(
• Pretty sure N likes N better than me :/
• I feel myself drifting away from M
• I should really stop writing this pointless post and do some homework.

16. Lazy mornings

thoughts.

• the cheese I just ate smelt like shit
• gosh, I should really be working right now...BIO SAC!!!
• I know I shouldn't have lost my temper with ammi, but she just gets so annoying!!!
• I want to eat
• I want to read...but 50 shades of grey isn't working :(
• I told V all my formal problems about K, hoping that she will tell D who will make K actually do something about it....hellloooo manipulative Malshi
• Why can't I have clear skin :(

Wake up at 5.00 on a Saturday??

This ceremony better be worth it. Although,the inclusion of J.K.Rowling is definitely a nod in the right direction.

15. Jinaali's voice

had a pretty down day today, just not really feeling that great. Felt really excluded by N and P and along with the pouring rain, it just set my mood in the dumps.
I did however have a DNM with M, today during french and release some of my worries and anxieties about my whole situation with mhs and all that...it was so lovely talking to her, I seriously love that girl so much <3
I also overheard everyone talking about how bullshit the chemistry competition was, but amazingly I found it alright :D Don't want to boast or anything, coz maybe I just think I did good, but actually did shit....but then again maybe chemistry is my calling?

14. My warm bed

dammit dammit dammit

someone has the same dress as me for formal. I knew that it was a huge possibility, but I did have naive hope that I would be ok. I want to be a baby about it and just complain about how I bought it first, but obviously the other chick didn't know so the argument is completely invalid. Everyone is telling me that I shouldn't care, because i'll look better on the night anyway...and I bad as it sounds, I think I will...ugh that sounds awful, but seeing as this is my "diary" I might as well write the truth. I know this but it still doesn't really change how I feel, I wanted to feel special and unique on the night, but obviously that isn't going to happen anymore :(

14. no war in my neighbourhood

everyone else's partner is paying for their own ticket!!!!!!
ugh I am just so put off my K at the moment. He wanted to meet, up and I said I was busy just because I couldn't be bothered..... I don't know whether i regret asking him over D, but for some reason I know that if I were going with D to formal, I wouldn't mind paying. It's just the fact that I  thought I liked K, and paying for his own ticket would be kind of gentlemenly-like :s HE EVEN BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF TICKETS AND DIDN'T OFFER TO PAY LEAIUHFSALJHSLDJFGS WHO DOES THAT?!?!?
yeah, I don't see myself falling for this guy anytime soon...right now I'm just hoping i'll be able to be normal friends with him by the time formal comes around :/

oh and I am gangster #3 in house drama :D

13. My iPod touch

you suck you suck you suck you suck.
dammit, finaaly got to the ticket stage of the conversation and he still isn't paying.
you suck you suck you suck :(

12. my chill time in front of the computer

I can really be a manipulative bitch sometimes.

11. Mac.Donald sundaes

10. 40 calorie almond milk

ugh, I can't wait to leave for uni and meet new guys.
Everyone I know here is either cheap, cocky, arrogant, boring or just a douche in general. It sucks because there is nothing I can do than just put up with it, because it's either tolerate these jerks, or be left standing on the outside feeling shit and alone. I have had more than enough of feeling shit and alone, so I just need to make it through these 2 years, 2 freaking years and I'm gone.

awkward
awkward
awkward
awkward
awkward
damn vinushi.

New found love for french movies

Yayyyyy, learning AND having fun :D

8.sleep ins

the little things

just spent 3 and a half hours playing scattergories with J and his friends, I honestly can't think of a better way to spend my friday night :)

oh and I called up D and told him about formal, and yeah everything is fine....one awkward down, another to go :/

7. productive free periods

awkward things in my life at this present moment
1. telling D I don't need him as a formal partner anymore
2. asking K if he would perhaps by his own $80 freaking dollar ticket.

I hate spesh so much.

I try and try but it just doesn't work.
I tried venting to appachchi but the only advice/solace/help he gave me was that he would get me another tutor. Thanks appachchi, really

today in bullets

• got on the normal train, but after a call from N, was told to get on the train after for N, so I did - he wasn't there. A was, but he was sleeping, and sitting next to a guy I swear was his dad ( but apparently wasn't ) so I sat away and waited for P
• walked to school with P and talked of after parties and how fail yolo night was
• spent my free looking at shoes and the funniest chemistry rap ever made
• worried about formal tickets with A...PLEASE K BUY YOUR OWN TICKET!!! it would make everything so much easier!!!
• had a spesh incursion were all the talkers were asian and were trying to convert us to engineering  - didn't work
• actually did solid work in chemistry
• left chem early and went to degraves for lunch - salmon baguette
• went to melb uni for the bio workshop which was surprisingly interesting. We had the cutest lab supervisor and the work wasn't as confusing as i thought it would be...despite having to kill a whole bunch of flies it was fun :)
• got home and did a whole bunch of procrastinating
• then actually did an exercise of methods, a bit of french and some eng lang
• now wondering if it's to late to call D and tell him I found another formal partner i'll do it tomorrow.

6. Wonderful learning opportunities and facilities

5. Boys that agree to be your formal partner :)

Hey, so I know it's pretty crappy I have to do this over facebook, but I have some bio thing this wednesday, and next wednesday is kinda cutting it close, but I was maybe wondering if you would maybe want to come to formal with me?? :)

I know I said I was going to take my family friend, BUT IT FEELS MORE AWKWARD EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT and yeah the only reason I didn't ask you in the first place was coz I thought you might get really bored not knowing anyone, but now Dillon's coming..and apparently you know maat, it would be all good right??

lol, unless you just don't want to go, bahah but thats cool too :P

omfg i just asked him

Start of term 3

Today was the start of the new term, but I'll just write out my entire day anyway (Y)
Nipsy slept in, so I caught the train with aravind, but then we got off and waited for naveen who was on the next train. I should have just stayed on the normal train. All they did was talk about people I didn't know and footy, whilst I just stood there -.- I think it's safe to safe my little crush on A may be passing.....
Anyway walked to school with P, had a relatively boring period 1 and 2, but then in my free I spent the whole period talking to A from central!!! I'm so glad, we caught up....it's really nice to know that the friendships I've made on the tour might actually last :)
Assemblies and what noy, spent lunch looking at limo prices, realised I was really behind in bio then caught the 43 home with M, who I discovered was asked to the formal by H :O He said no obviously but :O
I also told him about how I may be taking K and he went all weird on me :/ I think he was hoping  would ask him.....

4. A good report

FINALLY!

I have no joke been sitting here for ten minutes trying to write a post on my stupid laptop that doesn't stupid work -.-
ok seeing as I may not be able to write posts after this I think i'll do another "thoughts" type of post and just blurt out everything.

1. I seriously can't stop eating. It's disgusting and I must be gaining weight. It would be impossible for me not too. I can;t even check because the scales are broken!! It just frightens me a bit, because the one thing i took solace in, when i was trying to get my period back, was how if needed, I could easily just lose it all again, by eating less and only low cal food......I don't know if I can do that anymore....

2. N and M don't hate me!!! At least I think :S Talked to them for the first time in ages at Dr.Perera's and it's   just nice to know that they are probably not bitching behind my back :P

3. Okay, I am about 70% sure I may be taking K to formal.......how I'm going to get money for tickets and tell ammi and appachchi is another thing.

4.I have been procastinating soooooo much. I didn't finish my wall chart, didn't do my eng lang, didn't finish my french hw.................shit.

5. Did I mention tomorrow is the first day of term 3?

6. Despite, not wanting to step foot in that joke of a building called MacRob, I am excited to see everyone. Seeing the entire group after 3 weeks!! Even all the guys and stuff, I just really miss everyone. Oh and I can't wait to see all the central girls....I'm really curious as to see how we act around each other now we're back at school...especially the year 12 girls.

3. Hot showers on freezing days.

2. Birthday invites

FUCK YES!

NO WEIGHT GAIN NO WEIGHT GAIN NO WEIGHT GAIN!!!!!
I was so sure after central Australia I would have put on at least a kilo but nope!!
45.9kg, after coming back from dancing, which means I'm probably even lighter :D
I don't understand though, I ate sooo much during camp, and my diet since returning has been appalling.
but no, 45.9 kg :)

Gratitude.

So I've decided from now on, I will post one thing a day that I am thankful for. I think this will help me appreciate the life I've been given just that bit more and will hopefully keep me blogging and not giving up on this "online diary". So

1.Gorgeous friends I can always count on to have a good time

I can bowl?

lol not really, the one strike I did get was the biggest fluke but hey I'll take it :D
Went chaddy with Vinushi, Venushi, Brooke, Kushan, Dillon, Anjana, Ryan, Jinaali, Nipsy, Sas and Fiona and Sen (didn't talk to the last two much) and yeah, it was a heck of a big group. Found my self jumping from one group to the other but over all it was a good day.
I bought the bourjois eyeliner I've been googling for ages, a "Birthday Girl" badge for Manan and a date scone from baker's delight for lunch :)
We bowled and wasted time doing nothing, then caught the bus to Nipsy's place with Ash, Sas, Ryan, Nips and Jinaali before getting dropped off home to an angry mother who again was acting like a bitch.
But the biggest thing I got from today was encouragement from every girl to take Kushan to formal...DO I DO IT?!?!? will it be awkward? what do I tell my parents?? what about transport...he lives 1 and a half hours away for god sake. ughhhhhhh i don't know what to do :S

lunch or gobs?

thoughts.

• why can't i stop eating
• I actually love my nails so much atm
• need to do bio.need to do bio. need to do bio
• pewqoiruerlkjgslk running out of credit, hellllllllo to stingy malshi for the rest of the month
• lying about chaddy tomorrow, actually had to write YOLO on my hand to make myself feel better
• ugh so.much.money.being.spent
• I really need to stop eating
• I kinda, really love instagram

so there's this boy I noticed at Dr.Perera's today. Well, to be honest I've noticed him before, but never really  noticed, you know?? He dresses very well, subtlety tank BUT isn't anything amazzzing in the face, and the only reason I find him sorta attractive, is because he labeled his folder "Dr.Pezza's 3/4 bio".
What?
Those four words, took this boy from some random guy, to a potential future crush. Those four words gave me an insight to his personality, and I like it. Beyond weird yes, but at least I know I'm not completely shallow.

I try to convince myself I don't care. That I don't need to be liked by N, M or S. That it doesn't matter P is so amazingly beautiful and pretty much everything I've wanted to be. It worked for a while, but as soon as I see anything on facebook related to the whole situation, I feel my self esteem and self worth lower and lower.
I want to be liked by everyone, to not have stuff said behind my back and just feel good about myself. Fuck I just want highschool to be over already :(

my brother is actually a really really really good writer. I just stumbled upon his tumblr, and the posts he has written  aren't about anything with important significance but are still quite an interest to read.

I always thought he was stupid.

• subtle tankness
• nice hair
• sweaters with collared shirts
• baggy beanie
• likes to read
• MUST be funny
• not corny or overly lovey dovey
• not shy, and slightly cocky
• likes ed sheeran
• not homophobic
• taller than me
• weighs more than me - I definitely couldn't handle a boyfriend who is skinnier than me

lol. no wonder I'm single.

I actually like my legs in this photo :)

ierugtelkshgdkjhk I'm trying so hard to find the gorgeous little bird I saw in Kakadu, but I have no idea what it's called. Well thats not completely true, as I thought it was called "rajan sheldon" but obviously not.

I don't even have a photo :(

And so it begins.

The official start of my online diary, whether it will work - I don't know, but I'm giving it a go anyway.
I had so much planned to say in my first post, but right now all I can think about is how much I need to pee.

so much for sentimental.