ugh I don't know what to do.

So I hoped visiting the change of preference expo at monash would help clear up what I wanted to do next year but it has just made things more confusing. I was so adamant on not doing biomed, but biomed really is the best option for me in terms of postgrad med. Then there is physio which is great but apparently low paying (if i even did well on the interview) and radiography which both my parents would be disappointed if I chose because of the low atar despite the practically 100% employment rate.

Monash med interviews come out tomorrow and after seeing that the cut off mark was 175 (i got 177) for umat, I got my hopes raised. However, 175 is the cut off for underprivileged schools. therefore I have no idea whether my mark and atar are good enough. I'm just so annoyed because I had ruled out monash med as soon as i saw my umat mark, and the day before I get or dont get the interview offer, i start to hope again.

Having hope is too dangerous for me. It's an emotion I cannot adequately handle, so I need to avoid it at all costs. Ugh but now I am just left feeling awful about tomorrow.