L is growing on me. Maybe not in that way, but the idea of meeting up with him doesn't frighten me as much. The situation would still be very very intimate, but I feel the intimacy wouldn't be much of an issue after the ball starts rolling. It would have to be on my terms though, as in meet up for no more than a few hours, somewhere in the city (ie where i take public transport and he DOESNT pick me up) in a really relaxed and chill environment, preferably with a lot of people surrounding.
I really wish I could stop overthinking. That I could "kick back" and just enjoy and accept everything without getting to emotionally involved.