didn't go to school today because I had a triple free, and two math periods of revision, so essentially would have just been going for french, and ain't nobody got time for that shit. Still woke up at 6 though, and did like 1.5 hours of methods before breakfast then did more methods and then a umat exam where i did shit :/ it's only my second one I know, but both results have no been anywhere close to med acceptance scores....... wtf am I going to do, I have no back up plan!!!
ugh did half a spesh exercise and more methods and am now just so so so so drained...and it's only 9.30!! I didn't finish half or what I wanted to finish, but I don't even know why :/
ugh I dunno, just feel so bleh and just really really hope methods sac goes well tomorrow, maybe it can save me from the horrible turmoil of this second round of sacs!

on a positive note, may have found my formal dress :D

N's 18th

so so so many feels

• started getting ready at 4.30 and STILL wasn't ready by 6, like actually what the fuck
• got to N's and just was so so so so uneasy the whole time, like there was a lot less people who were coming than i thought, and a lot less alcohol and I was just stressing so much about P coming and being bored and ugh it actually sucked so bad - started getting slightly tipsy on punch and jelly cubes but i was still freaking
• he came and i hid under the table, like actually i hid with J under pool table because i was freaking out so much
• awkward at the start because I didn't know what to talk to him about - resulted in another few times under the pool table
• things got less awkward, he was still feeling outta place, but P was there so they were kinda bumming around when I was dancing, and when I went over to P we got way more comfortable with each other
• OUR PRESENT MADE N CRY, YES BITCHES!!!!!
• P and I spent ages being cute :P
• asked P to formal AND HE SAID YES!!! it was actually not as nerve-wrecking as i thought, and omg he was so cute, i told him thats why i was avoiding talking about tickets, just so i could pay for my formal tickets and he pays for his and he started arguing with me about paying for himself and omg it was just so so so so cute
• we moved from the pool table to the comfy chair where we sat for like and hour just with each other laughing and making shitty dance moves and just being next to each other and enjoying each other's company
• LOOOL N's dad came in the room and looked at us on the couch so P took his arm off my leg and we just both went super awkward and laughing about the situation
• omg P made a facebook post on my account, where he posted a picture of P's face with "i larve him" it took me ages to figure out how to get it down. dumbass -.-
• he put his head on my shoulder :')
• when he left, as I was hugging him I said "so see you at formal yeah?" and he said "yeah maybe" which made me give him a wtf look which he just replied to with "yeah maybe before then" IS THAT HIS SUBTLE WAY OF SAYING HE WANTS TO CATCH UP/GO ON A DATE WITH ME??? omg I actually dont know what i'd do if he did ask. I don't think I could say no, but man I would feel so so so so guilty.

all in all, i think its safe to say, there is definitely something there, like we may not flirt or anything online, but the way we were around each other yesterday..... even a blind man could see it.

got 47% on my spesh sac and only pass coz the sac is getting scaled, and englang sac was so so so so tight for time that i didn't even answer half the questions properly.

shit shit shit shit

aunty Bubi and nivan, be safe and stay well please (yn)

talking to P about his formal and he keeps saying stuff like "dw i'll stick with you" and "i'll be with you" and omg im just sitting here like ;wkeughlwetkjghlteug

on a side note, tomorrow's englang sac and  feel like I haven't done much preparation but I'm as prepared as can be? Its like i know all the info is in my head, but whether i can apply it is another story. Like i haven't been doing amazing in practise sacs but i'm not worried :S I just really really enjoy this subject, and am even starting to think of linguistics in uni.... LOL like ammi would let that happen :P
but yeah, still I just hope my genuine interest helps me do well tomorrow especially after the last couple disasters :/

so today I had my two sacs, and to say it went shit is an understatement. I didn't realise how much the experiment was involved with the actual sac questions so I kinda rushed that bit meaning I was totally unprepared for the the questions. Everything I knew about the topic was muddled around in my brain, and even things like oxidation reactions which i know like the back of my hand I did wrong, and would have done wrong if Ms Harvey didn't make a scared face at my work when she saw it. The sac went overtime meaning I had to run to my spesh sac afterschool which was shit because in the last 10 minutes of my chem sac all i was thinking was "going to be late to spesh, going to be late to spesh" then the first 10 minutes of spesh sac all i could think was "fucked up chem sac, fucked up chem sac". I didn't finish my spesh sac and pretty sure I did half the questions wrong. So after I went with G to mc where i got a comfort sundae and made my way home at 6.

I'm just praying i did better than i felt with these sacs.I studied so much this weekend, like 15 hours. Please let it not have gone to waste.

friday

• fucked up my french sac, I heard the completely wrong thing for a 3 mark question and like bullshitted half of the rest
• was S's birthday so we had cake (crappy coles cake thanks to P) and did presents at lunch
• was supposed to go to S's house for a 18th but dr C put in my extra spesh class at 6 so i told her I couldn't go. I was secretly kinda happy about it because even though i love the girl to bits, the weather was shit, i have heaps of sacs and I just couldn't be bothered after school. BUT on the train, amma called and said he cancelled the lesson, so I was left feeling bad for missing her party which she really wanted me to go to
• bought this berry croissant typa thing at mc and omg the waiter was like italien AND SO CUTE! he heated it up for my and talked about how it beautiful it was going to taste and just omg made  my day :P

saturday

• had a mini freak out about how im not ready for any of my sacs so started working at 8.30
• almost didn't go to chem tutor but I'm lucky I did because the whole lesson we just went through the sac I'll be doing on monday
• after we went grocery shopping and got N's photo done, its actually huge
• solid 3 hours spesh
• spesh tutor
• went out to dinner at rara ramen which was so so so awkward at the start because no one was talking and everyone was in a shit mood. J crashed his car, so appachchi has to fork out $1000+ (which he has kept from ammi, otherwise she would go mental) and appachchi was annoyed at ammi and J just wasn't talking and like omg so tense. BUT when the food arrived everything got a lot better so all good (Y)
• up to date with GOT

INTERBALL!!!!

so so so so much fun! got ready at P's (and consequently left half my shit there) and just danced and camwhored and ate the whole night!! everyone was looking gorgeous in their sari's and omg it was just so great!!! although the DJ was a bit of a let down, he may have been black but when he refused superbass i got mad -.-

and P said I was super photogenic :D

permission has been granted.

This is actually happening. I am actually going to his formal. Like he asked me and I'm actually going. Like actually.





omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg 

It's actually pretty pathetic that my blog has primarily become a mood chart of my reactions to P

like seriously, I'm taking the female population back 50 steps by the amount of neediness on this blog.

and in other events
- found out J is bi
- consequently found out M is either a lesbian or bi also
- got 89% on my chem sac which is close enough to an A+
- schoolies is 99.9% not happening for me
- whether or not i'm allowed to go to P's formal is still in limbo, I kinda got approval from appachchi but he said ask ammi
- i still can't believe he asked me: like he called me up at 7.30 in the morning and asked me... he didn't even do it online, he asked me on the phone, like all properly (ok properly would have been in person, but like whatever). Have seriously been grinning all day. Like really I didn't realise how many people I told about P until I got all the screams of happiness when I told them that I got asked :P
- Have eaten pretty clean today, only "bad" food was caramel pudding, so I'm pretty proud :)
- I just hope nothing unexpectedly bad happens with ammi and she says no to going to formal :/

he asked me. he asked me to formal. HE FUCKING ASKED ME TO FORMAL!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

procrastinating

• chem sac results tomorrow. I'm actually quite nervous tbh, I already know I have quite a few marks off, and the average is so high, I know I say this before every sac but please please let me do well :/
• I've decided methods is my favourite subject at school, because maths exercises that don't take 3 hours to finish are awesome, and I, B and J are awesome and getting good marks is just awesome.
• totally freaked out about possibly having an englang sac the day after house drama BUT ALL GOOD! its the week after!
• completely owned appachchi when he tried to tell me off for going out too much "you've seen my sac marks, they've been so good, if i can get marks like these and go out then why shouldn't i go out?"
• more schoolies talk = more uneasiness
• i had a chai latte for the first time today, it was only from a packet, but still very very good :D
• sorted out N and S's birthday presents and I'm actually quite happy now :) I was quite upset with N's in particular but now we're making her a scrapbook and I know she is just going to love it
• i feel quite gross with what i've been eating the past couple of days even though it hasn't been THAT bad, but still i feel like eating really clean = no wondering around mc to buy cheap food. If i come home straight away I'm rewarding myself with an episode of GOT

ok so i'm resigned to the fact that P probably doesn't like me. I mean he and S may not even come to N's birthday party. Any normal person would do everything possible in their power to go to a party that the person they liked to was going right?? So, by him not caring whether he comes or not and preferring to go to anther girl's birthday only says one thing. It says it loud and clear.

When will things ever work out.

nipsican night

tacos, miss congeniality, punch, stephy's "he's not worth your tears" present... all in all a very fab day

but all i can think about is how yesterday was the first day in months that P hadn't sent me a message.
He had seen the message... just chose not to reply.