there is something wrong with me legit.

• biggest fucking stalk session, went from N's blog, to Q's then discovered all these random asians blogs aswell as J's where i spent a good half an hour on. I need to get out more. But nah, I realised her life isn't as perfect as it seems, she goes through a lot more personal crap than i ever thought she did (self hard, self doubt, all that jazz) make you think you know? LOL and also felt uber special being in a couple of her photos :D
• I love you so much and you don't even know.
• school is in a week. A fucking week. I'm not ready, not mentally ready for the stress, the pressure, the chaos that this year is going to bring. I know I underestimate my self all the time, but when I look ahead with all the crap I have to do - umat, 5 extremely hard subjects, balancing some sort of a social life, keeping skinny, looking pretty, being good enough for everyone else's standards in general.... I just don't know how I'm going to cope. It all just seems so surreal. This is my last year of highschool, like wtf? how is that even happening?
• how can I weigh just over 45kgs giving me a BMI of 17 which is considered underweight, yet still have thunder thighs and a huge ass. please fat just travel to my boobs.
• my body shape sucks.