emotions suck

I hate this, how my emotions are so completely tied with his actions. How the smallest thing can take me from one extreme to the other. I feel like I have bipolar or something, I can't handle this, I've done this for too long, I can't keep putting myself through this. If I tell him and he says no, well maybe I'd be able to move on? but any chance of friendship would be gone and if I tell him and he says yes, well I will be so unbelievably happy, I don't even think I could imagine, but year 12. I have come to far to let a boy however much he might mean to me  to get in the way. I have my crush come back full throttle and i can barely concentrate, imagine if we actually had a relationship? and how would it work? we go to schools in complete opposite locations, if we were to meet, we'd have to make time specifically for it...time I could be sing for something more useful.