When people follow you until you follow back then unfollow you

i've got the app you fuckers

I know he's a good guy and before R opened his stupid immature little mouth I was perfectly fine with who A was and even enjoyed the flirting. Now all I have radiating in my mind is "he's a loser", "everyone will judge if you go with him, "you'll have a shit time" etc. It's so high school but I can't help it. I thought I had gone over this stage, that I was mature enough to stop giving a shit about what those kinda guys thought. I got nothing from them and except pain and hurt so why the fuck am I letting them ruin something that could actually be good? A is a nice guy. He is a really nice, DRAMA FREE guy. He is the exact kinda guy I need right now to help me restore trust and friendship in the male kind. I NEED to forget about R, I need to not let him psych me out. He was speaking out of passive aggressiveness and I know that. He was hurt and I understand why. Let him be petty, let him be immature but Malshi DON'T let him ruin something that could be a really good thing for you.

ok so just let me be a little petty bitch alright?

ugh so I just saw the dancefest groups and I didn't make any of the medium/hard groups which has me really really REALLY annoyed. I know i'm not an amazing dancer but i'm sure im better than some of the girls who did make it (namely P and H who were chosen i think purely because they have friends on the committee) This means i'm chucked to the side in the easy group and i'm not sure if I even want to do it anymore. I know that is so stupid and immature, but dance fest seems like a bit of a commitment and it will require me spending 3 days less in melbourne so I can make the dancefest camp. Do I really want to put that much in, when i will most likely be bored and uncommitted to the whole production? But that said, over half the college is participating ugh. I can't really talk to anyone about it because I will sound so petty and up myself, but I'm actually in a really dilemma :/

I don't know what i'm doing wrong

After moving to QLD i've made conscious effort to try be a better person. To keep my mouth shut when I have something mean to say, to take the high road in a debacle and to not get angry when I have effort right to be furious. I've been trying to consider the consequences of my actions before every move I make in order to protect the feelings of others but despite all of this why am I still the one getting hurt? I'm the one left with no ball date less than a week before ball because of meddlesome friends that i've actively chosen not to be mad at. I'm the one left feeling like absolute shit because i'm letting something as trivial as a ball make me upset and i'm the one left wanting more than anything to go home to Melbourne where I don't have to worry about uni, making effort with friends or being excluded.
Being in a situation like this a year ago would have had me just so so stressed, but now rather than stressed i'm just tired and upset. I'm not panicked about ball, I'm just really hurt that i'm in this situation when all i've been trying to do this whole time is the right thing to spare everyone's feelings and cause the least drama. Does this mean i'm supposed to revert back? When I'm angry shout, when i'm mad at someone be bitchy, spread gossip. Stop being Switzerland and start taking sides over petty drama. I really don't know what to do.

ugh im just so over it all. I wish I could just not care. About college, about the premeddies, about boys, about grades and about calories. I'm just so tired and all I want to do is stay in bed and avoid it all, but that doesn't solve any of the things I am worried about. I'm just exhausted and want to go back to holidays in melb where it was perfectly acceptable to stay in my pj's the whole day doing nothing but eating and watching movies.
I said this sem would be different. That by being more involved these feelings would occur less and would be replaced with ones that make me feel loved and included. Everything is just so stupid, none of it matters, it's all superficial and fucking pointless.

ba-gel

The cravings are real.