It happened again. In the space of 10 minutes my mood has absolutely plummeted. I feel like absolute crap.Finding out more about P and other girls, more resistance against schoolies, fighting and yelling...it's just crap. I weight less than 45kgs. I know that i should be eating more, but what am I having for dinner? half an apple and a packet of mini rice cakes...100 calories if im lucky. Now i'm not eating because I feel fat, I'm not eating because I feel shit and I feel like I dont deserve food. That's not to say, if ammi and apachchi come home with chocolate, ice-cream and scones i wont eat it. No. I will probably eat too much. It's on either end of the spectrum. Either I eat nothing at all and go to extreme lengths to make it seem like i've eaten..like making dishes purposefully dirty, "remolding" rice to make it look like i've taken a decent amount... or I eat absolute crap that i know isn't giving my body any nutrients and only adding fat. I just feel so so so so bad.i just want to curl up and cry, but I cant even cry properly... it's like im forcing the tears... like im trying to get rid of the feeling with the 3 or 4 tears that run down my cheek, but I can't. Its still there. Even when i can't feel it, it's there. Always just lurking waiting to pounce and drag me down to make me feel like this. I just want and need stability. Not knowing what is going to happen in driving my insane and making me think the worse and thus feel worse also. I don't know what to do.