That time of year

Okay so it's not exactly that time of year, but seeing as i'll be in Vietnam most likely without internet access I'm going to post this a few days early.

BEST OF 2014

1. TOGA PARTY

Where our premed group formed and I felt so loved and so apart of something. I felt included and was just so so so thankful I had found a group of people I could feel comfortable with.

2. FAREWELL PARTY

It had it's ups and downs, but I have never felt so loved or so appreciated. The effort people had gone to just blew me away.

3. GRACE RECOVERY

Ball was ruined by a very bad decision, but recovery was saved by my choice to walk away from conflict and enjoy myself when said bad decision tried to "Gee me up". Alcohol+foam+music = a very good time.

4. THE FIRST DATE

My first proper date, which although now has turned incredibly sour, at the time it made me feel on top of the world.

5.  SYDNEY

Tbh pretty much all of Sydney was fab. Seeing everyone make effort to see us and take us around made me feel so reassured that I had found some genuinely genuinely good friends in QLD. Special mention to the 1 hour and Ivy, the intense 2 hours at Galaxy world and all the awesome food eaten.

6. MY BIRTHDAY

Again no photos for this one, and also had its ups and downs, but I think my friends in qld deserve a round of applause. They went above and beyond and also thankyou to all the freebies redeemed as well as the most fun clubbing experience I have ever had. The RE is always a good idea.

7. RACHEL'S HOUSE PARTY

When the group was starting to get distant, this party really made us feel together again for at least one night. It was messy, it was loud, there was vomit and there was complaints but holy shit it was fun.

8. AWESOME 4SOME

I know I'm being particularly biased but I can't help it. And tbh it's not like everytime the four of us caught up it wasn't fun. I never expected this little gang to form but it did and I'm hella glad.

9. GOODBYE DINS FOR GARGS

It was sad, but it felt like SNAGMS and PK again. They way it used to feel like in highschool.

10. FIRST NIGHT OUT ASIAN CLUBBING

Tbh I don't remember much, but looking back at all the photos, I'm sure it would have been a good night :P

So in a space of 5 minutes i've come down with this complete feeling of sadness. I have no idea what brought it on, but all I know is I don't feel like doing anything, I feel fat and boring.
#pityparty

Please let the Sydney Seige end soon and in a peaceful manner. May no one be hurt, and compromise attained. May this event not spark other attacks or hate, yet be a stepping stone in understanding the thought process of other extremists to prevent and further attacks in the future.

How can so much time have passed and I STILL care about him so much. How can I still be so vulnerable to his actions and words. It has been years. I don't even live in the state anymore, if it didn't happen when I lived in Melbourne, it's definitely not going to happen when I live in QLD. I just don't understand how I can still have so much feeling towards him. It's no wonder I can't move on, everyone I've met, I've always compared to him and no one has even come close. I just want to move on. I just want to be able to love and care about someone who loves and cares about me just as much.

I want to be able to go to Sydney and enjoy myself, not spend the whole time worrying about money and how much im wasting. I've saved heaps of money here in Melbourne by working and not going out so it's okay for me to let loose a bit and enjoy myself. Where possible, yes Malshi, get the cheaper option for food, have water instead of a drink and remember Melbourne shopping is 9/10 times cheaper. Be thrifty but don't be stingy.

Malshi stop doing this to yourself. Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it.

I don't know how to feel anymore.

He has a girlfriend. Get over it. Did you really expect him to have no other girl in his life this whole year? None at all? You suspected it, A confirmed it. Just accept the fact he's moved on and concentrate on being friends. If it were supposed to happen it would have already, its been years and it hasn't so you need to get your shit together and stop closing yourself to all other guys Malsh. There have been so many guys this year and you have not given yourself a proper chance, come on it's time.

48kg by the end of the week. You can do it Malsh

Last night in Brisbane, holy shit it has been a year. I have never experienced so much, never met so many new people and have never had my liver so tested. It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows but fuck it has been great. This year has been amazing and I am so so so thankful I have had the opportunity.
I know I complain about a lot of things but life, thanks for making me move, you did good :)

I'm so excited yet so nervous for tomorrow's exam. I'll finally be done with first year uni and will have the rest of this week to relax and go out but on the other hand I have no idea how i will go. I'e studied a fair bit but none of it seems to resonate. All the reaction mechanisms I learnt an hour ago completely slip my mind as soon as I learn a new one. I just really really really hope tomorrow goes ell. I've been doing well in chem this year so far because i've put in the effort. I now realise that letting it slip up during semester was a bad idea, but if i didn't how else would I have prepared for biol1040. An 80% on this exam, come on Malsh, you can do it.

So today is the day of Obama's speech and I feel like shit. Another reminder of how insignificant I am and how unneeded my presence is despite all my daydreams of being famous and important. I'm isolating myself in my room until brunch and will watch the live stream alone. Staying off snapchat, facebook and away from people who will be bursting with excitement on return from their fabulous opportunity.
ugh.

I need to think about this realistically, yeah it would have been the most amazing thing in the whole entire world to see Obama speak, like best thing in my life. But why me?
I don't study politics
I'm not in a leadership position (nor was I intending to go for one)
I have no idea what is going on in the Asia Pacific
I don't intend on ever going into the UN or doing something that relates to international relations

tbh me going would probably be so unfair, considering how many other girls would be more suited.
Malshi, get over it.

I have never felt so stressed or unprepared for an exam in my life. Its come to the point were I can't concentrate on anything so I'm just going to go to bed and home I'll wake up fresh tomorrow for study in the morning. All I want is 67% please please please just give me 67% and that 6 to keep up my GPA.

but then again why is this number so important?

And today yet again I realise how shit people/humanity can be. It was only a small action, where the boys convinced a stranger that N was interested in him, but this "joke" infuriated me.
why?
What do they have to gain from humiliating this guy? From making him believe that someone is interested in him so he can go and make a fool of himself just for their enjoyment. It is mean. Downright mean and cruel playing with someones emotions and self esteem, both already so fragile without filth messing with them already.
It actually saddens me without measure to know that even we, future doctors, people who are supposed to be spending the rest of their lives devoted to helping people, of feeling empathy and doing good are acting in this way.It makes me so angry that they can easily make a conscious decision not to do shit things but they just choose to do so anyway, because putting someone down is more fun. It really makes me lose hope when this is who I'm surrounded with. Knowing that these are going to be the people that others in society will one day look to for guidance and advice.
People are mean and I need to know that. I get  comfortable and keep forgetting how awful they can genuinely be but nevertheless there is always something that comes back to remind me.

so ungrateful and so fucking unappreciative.

19th

• turned 19 with R which was cute coz I was with her when she turned 19 (but fkn M screwed up interrupted the cute present giving because R was on foyer duty, and M wanted to go to sleep so she kept pushing R to leave quickly)  - she got me mochi, a little miss trouble mug (coz trouble always seems to follow me around) and a cute purse thing from diaso. She also delivered MAC eyelash glue on A's behalf ($$$) that girl

• N and C came over at like 12.15 to wish me happy birthday and we chilled in my room til like 3am
• Gracies woke me up by jumping on my bed at like 9am coz i nearly missed breakky (but they bought me a bagel)
• They got me a tigger onsie, chai tea and strainer, a black clutch and a duffle bag
• A left bagel's at my door (kinda stale coz she bought them two days earlier hahah)
• After lunch went to the city to buy special friend stuff
• Met E, C and N at passiontree where we studied and they shouted me dessert
• met P at southbank for churros where P also stole her hotchocolate mug
• so my "im not going out, i ahve an exam on thursday" mentality went out the window and we went back to grace got D then straight to King's to pre in S's room
• it was actually so chill just hanging out there, really laid back with just P, D, J, T, S, F and me of course
• got some random King's guy to drive us to the RE but when we got there it was so dead omg, but far out I think it was one of my favourite nights out yet. We were all so drunk and F kept buying everyong drinks and we were dancing and just having so so so much fun. (I even snorted salt) haha
• got I to pick us up at like 1, in bed by 2 it was a solid night out hahah

Things I wish were better?

- if P texted me (to be fair he said he did want to message at 12 but he was working.... but regardless he still just inboxed and made it very clear he wanted to see me...as friends)

 - K's complete lack of effort. I thought we were getting really close but all I got was a "happy birthday malshi" on my facebook wall and a snapchat later on in the night.

- half of premed didn't wish me happy birthday

- neither did J

- or C and J

- N and J was the only midnight message (but D did send me a text at like 1 which was cute)

- That A put in slightly more effort (but true she does have exams)

- if I got mail

them birthday feels

Have now had 5 kings boys asked me to "come over". How am I still a virgin.

I just did my 20 facts on instagram and now am having a social anxiety attack