I still don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about tomorrow. The idea of med excites me and absolutely terrifies me at the same time and all the conflicting emotions are just doing me head in.
I want to be a doctor, make a difference, have a stable job, the opportunity to work overseas and have a career that merits respect and gratitude. However, I don't want to destroy myself in the process. To crack under the pressure, the stress and lose the m\best years of my life to studying and work.
I want to get into monash just so the indecision can be over. So I finally know exactly what's going on with something in my future. I have been uncertain pretty much every step of the way and can't bare to think it can carry on well after the 17th of Jan. And the guilt too. Parents having spent over $1000 on interview prep and depending if I move interstate having to withhold from retirement just so they can support me financially? It's a lot of pressure.


fuck i dont even know.