I'm really not good and keeping up to date am I?

dot points because there is much to talk about but fkn cbs.

• ordered ball dress! wasn't the one i wanted from tobi, but tobi doesnt do paypal -.- this one is slightly more....sultry, red bodycon with mesh near the boobs.... yeah hoping i dont need to get it adjusted so ammi never has to see it :P also ordered makeup brushes FINALLY
• said bye to G :( it wasn't as heartbreaking as i thought it would be but i think its because it hasnt really sunk in, i still feel like she'll be here next time im down
• went to dodgeball on friday to watch all my frainds play, they didnt win but they certainly put up a decent fight. I saw so many people i hadnt seen since last year which was absolutely great. It was hella weird to see all my different circles become... one circle? Also made me feel slightly annoyed if im being honest. I used to be the binding link between these different groups, but now those groups have meshed and everyone has become closer friends than what I have. I know its stupid for me to feel jealous, but I miss feeling like i was needed #selfabsorbediknow
• so discovered i am pretty much 50kgs now. I didnt expect at all to put on weight. I knew i had eaten a lot over the second half of semester, but i have also exercised just as much. I think i can rightly say at least 1kg is due to muscle but even so, ive had people tell me i've put on weight. (both were compliments, but yeah no, dont like it)
• so the above ^ has lead to me only eating two meals a day. I've also joined the local gym but i really dont like it there, its so stuffy and hot and there are so many people. BUT results are showing, in the week i've been home, ive already lost about 1kg. I'm hoping to go back to qld weighing 46-47kgs which at the rate im going seems perfectly doable
• seeing J and C tomorrow! so excited because i finally get to meet A, the lesbian lover :P hahaah, we're going to very overpriced brunch place, and i really want to do my best not to be stingy, but we'll see how that goes
• rehab is on wednesday and although I am so keen to go out, I am also getting so frustrated. I know it's unfair for me to get annoyed but A not knowing what happy hour is? K getting picked up early from the venue? Having to convince parents to sleep over? it feels like highschool all over again. The "entourage" are pre-ing at mhs, and N has to go over to grab her ticket. She wasn't supposed to bring anyone (sounds like a fkn cult) but they said if she had to I was the only person she was allowed to bring. SO the both of us are ditching the group pre's half way to go get her ticket, and then swigging vodka there or travelling from there to trak. LOL let's see how well this goes down
• J and I have had our first contact via snapchat in about 3 months?
• also meeting with L next wednesday to do weed. Malshi wtf have you gotten yourself into/

Back.

Fair to say it's been awhile?
So much has happened, so much has changed. If I tried to write about all my experiences since my last post, I really do think I'd be writing forever. So i'm going to start afresh from today, because today ironically I'm not feeling so fresh, and really need to let it all out, and once upon a time, here is where I used to do it.
I'm miss having a small group. Knowing what was happening in everyone's lives, knowing who people were talking about. I hate having to struggle to keep up in conversation because I don't know who or what people are saying or referring to. I'm used to be one of the main member's in a friendship group and now, I feel like I only just belong. I miss the stability and I hate how it's making me choose between trying to make friends and studying for exams (which are tomorrow btw)

I just want to go home ugh.

So it's been a wile since i've had time to write anything. There is just so much that has been going on, so much to write down, to remember, to tell, but i just find i dont have the energy or motivation to do it. What i will say is, i find that people don't really like me. Or rather they like me but don't want to go the extra mile to become a good friend and this is what worries me. What if all i find in QLD is a number of friends who are nothing more than the type of friends you leave behind after a subject or a year at uni is done. What if  i dont find another snagms and pk. ugh

six word stories

He bottle-feeds his wife’s killer.

Cancer. Only three months left. Pregnant.

My Dads met at Bible Camp.

Imagined adulthood. Gained adulthood. Lost Imagination.

I just really really really don't understand how I can go from feeling so loved, to so alone so quickly. Feeling like i'm about to explode with emotion to feeling like i'm collapsing internally.

I know in reality Valentine's Day is really lame and just a way for all the big corporations to make billions and jillions of money but damn, I really hope I have a valentine next year.

lol biggest fail of a games night (played cards for 10 minutes and one round on uno) but omg I love my friends so much.

also why not just reply to my fucking message homg