I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do, I've been letting my guard down and making myself vulnerable.
I need to get away from college, dad couldn't have chosen a better time to come up. Yes I wish I was going to fresherome, what I really need is a break from this whirlwind world. To be away from any sort of guy who comes from King's and to just get my feet planted on the ground again.
Stop.Losing.Focus

I really don't know what's happening

I feel like after King's everyone over there just likes me way better. People were coming up and hugging me and they knew my name and I dunno, it felt/feels good.
But this is just taking me backwards.
I told myself I would stay away, that to avoid the drama and the bad feelings I need to stop caring and not let me happiness reside on what a group of boys think of me. Yes some of them I have come to realise can be genuinely nice, but it's too much of a risk to let my guard down and let them in any closer.
Don't lack vigilance malsh, don't forget what they can do to you.

So he is good.

and King's ball is actually happening.
Holy shit

but first my chem exam which I just cannot study for. I feel as though I'm ready for it but i'm not sure whether i'm just being complacent or distracted by King's ball. I've done the pass sheets, i've read the text book, done all my notes and looked at past exams.... i've even youtubed! What is there left for me to do? I started my study early, so I should feel confident right?

please make me do okay, chem is the only subject i feel i can get a 7 in right now.

I think he may actually be good....maybe

I'm really really hoping you won't hurt me.

Please.

I'm trusting you even though I told myself I would never trust one of your type  again. Please prove me wrong and please don't hurt me. I really don't think i'd be able to handle it.

I must be getting my period because everything I am thinking right now is probably bitchy enough to send a grown man off in tears.