I said yes to going to ball with him and I really don't know if I should have. More than anything I just want to be honest as to why I was so hesitant but considering my ball is in two weeks I can't risk causing any drama.
This is what makes me want to leave college after a year.

So homesick and I haven't even left yet.

ugh I really don't want to go back. I am so touched when I get snaps of girls from Grace saying they miss me, but all the partying and drama is not something I am quite ready for again just yet. I'm not ready to jump into 3 very intense subjects as well as the try improve all the other things I wanted to this semester.

I take back everything I said last post.

I haven't felt this uneasy in a long long time. Thinking about next sem just makes me feel so uncomfortable. Ball, Grace, phys, premeddies, socy1030, chem..... there are just so many things I am uncertain about and feel unsure about and just don't want to deal with. This month at home may have been lacking the excitement I get back in QLD but the comfort of home and the expected is something that I have been unknowingly missing for a very long time. I feel so sad about how little time I have left but rather than going out and making the most of it all I want to do is stay at home and mope.

I have reached the point.

I am at the point where I'm ready to go back to QLD. So I now know 3 weeks is the ideal time for me to be back at home lol. I think from now on, I wont be thinking about how little time I have left in melb, but rather how little time I have to wait to go back to independence.

It's so frustrating. I can't trust him at all. I know what his friends are like and I know that despite being different in QLD he is no different to the shit guys he hangs out with here. I hate the fact that they think of me as a slut when they don't know how much I've had to change to fit in and not be stereotyped. They have no right judging me when they have no idea what my situation is and what I have to deal with. For God's sake, I can't fucking win, they think I'm a slut, while in QLD I've been called frigid. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Despite all this though, there is still something about him. Something that makes me want more but I know will never happen because lol it's him. If he gets with any girl I would be so upset, even though I know I have no right too considering he's already walked in on a date with R. Ugh the situation just gets messier and messier because now having time apart I am 99% sure that i'm not into R, also talking to S has reminded me of the fun you can have with subtle flirting and who knows what can happen there?

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANKYOU

please please please please let me have passed everything with a 5
please please please
i swear I will try harder in uni next sem, this semester was such a huge change and it took me by surprise. So much freedom at once and I really didn't know how to handle it. I swear I will try, but PLEASE you know I studied, I did try. No more parties before exams, less shitty eating and less feeling bad about missing out. Im in qld to study and its something I will really try to remember next sem,
Please help me out.

dance.

Just came home from V's dance graduation and omg WOW. The performances were so so so so amazing, and I couldn't have been more prouder of the girls. Tbh, the fact that the show went for about 5 hours had everyone a little drained, but I honestly don't think anyone would say that these girls were fabulous dancers. There stamina and energy was so impressive and they put on such a good show.

Also saw P's family today. His dad kept looking me up and down because I was wearing a sari (not for kicks, i was helping out with the show) and I think he was impressed. Ugh it's annoying how in with the parents I was..... :/

REH4B