I haven't had these bad feelings in a while. The sort that appear out of no where and just make me feel awful about myself.

As much as I like this new independence that has fallen upon my shoulders after turning 18 and leaving school, I have had to start thinking and making decisions i never thought I"d have to make.
I have my eye on a ridiculously cute boy who pretty much ticks all the boxes (loves kids, isn't homophobic, subtle tankness, introvert but friendly GOOD LOOKING) but isn't Sri lankan but and Indian. Tbh that isn't the part that worries me. It's the fact he is muslim. Although after the whole J fiasco I'm not so keen on the religion, I would never be prejudice or discriminate a person on their beliefs but I definitely cannot say the same for my parents. If they knew about how i feel about him and his religion they probably wouldn't let me move to Queensland with him. I know we only just went on a first date and that there is a huge possibility that even if we do get to get eventually it will be nothing serious, but there is also a very real chance it could be. I feel like i'm digging my own hole by maybe starting something with him, but ugh i really really like him and ugh he is just so perfect after P. Fuck im so torn.

today was so good like omg, im like the pathetic teenage girl you see in movies that makes you cringe at how much of a hopeless romantic she is but omg i am so smitten and its like killing me

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg I am so so so nervous for tomorrow like holy shit so nervous. GAHHHHH
What if it is unbelievably awkward??? especially with the whole "who pays for lunch thing" omg omg omg omg.
I even got my eyebrows done and painted my nails like pokeballs.
fuck im so pathetic
omg omg omg

please just be a typo please just be a typo please just be a typo please just be a typo please please please

15 minutes  left  before I can access my fate.